Archive for January, 2007

Thankyou to the kindly souls who pointed out that the last collection of quotes: 101 Quotes: Politics (part 2) were rubbish.  While I don’t really agree with Nathan that, "ploop churns out crap – you should be ashamed" or that ploop, "is writted by a totally uninspired toss-pot with no imagination" – I feel I should be given a second chance.

After all, ploop must have all of three readers and I’ve pissed two of them off.  The other reader is me and, reading back through the political quotes, I fell out of love with the writer myself.  So here goes … I’ve plundered, plucked and fumbled for a few more.

101 Quotes: better political quotes.

On politics …

"A dog’s life without a dog’s decency"
Rudyard Kipling

"An occupation that has become so expensive, it takes a lot of money even to become defeated" Will Rodgers

"The only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary"
Robert Louis Stevenson

"A science derived from two words: ‘poli’ meaning many, and ‘tics’ meaning bloodsucking insects"
Chris Clayton

On politicians …

"People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel"
John Quintan

"People who shake your hand before an election, and your confidence after"
Anon.

"A fellow who will lay down your life for his country"
Texas Guinan

"An animal that can sit on the fence and still keep both ears to the ground"
H.L. Mencken

"Wankers"
Rory Spoot

ploop will try harder next time.  Nathan, thanks for the heads up about our early slide into apathy.

A weekly ploop themed series – like you, ploop, or anyone else really cares if they’re every month, year or day – but anyway, it’s weekly until I get bored!

Quotes on politics

“The Labour Party is going around stirring up apathy”

William Whitelaw

“Being an MP feeds your vanity and starves your self respect”

Matthew Parris

“I have no consistency, except in politics; and that probably arises from my indifference on the subject altogether”

Lord Byron

“Vote for the man who promises least; he’ll be the least disappointing”

Bernard Baruch

“A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel”

Robert Frost

“He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything.  That point clearly to a political career”

George Bernhard Shaw

“If you want to succeed in politics, you must keep your conscience well under control”

David Lloyd George

“I will make a bargain with the Republicans.  If they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them”

Adlai Stevenson

“If you want to rise in politics in the United States there is one subject you must stay away from, and that is politics”

Gore Vidal

“We are in danger of loving ourselves too death”

John Prescott

I’ll keep whacking out more, sort of weekly, so if you’ve got any you’d like me to add or categories that need covering then leave a message.

There will be quite a few updates this week.  Ploop TV could well have two episodes, including a very important new ‘behind the red button’ submission involving pizzas and the prostitution of the news agenda.  We’ve also got an exciting new interactive, vote-along, your view counts, citizen blogalism, red button prodding toss up that will culminate in a fine dictionary of ‘wank words’.

An occasional anxious look from ploop toward the future of television – where a small band of self-inflated shit-sack TV producers work in tandem with tabloid newspapers and power-thirsty young civil servants to dictate everything from Government policy to the NHS.

Previously on Loop TV.

Mid Jan ….

Gordon Brown and his merry men want ‘race back on the agenda’ so the Scottish shoe-in can strengthen relationships with

India

. They call Channel 4’s Alan Twatsmith and The Sun’s Rory Spoot who order Gordon on to a plane to the subcontinent while they “cook something up”.  While Gordon is meeting the Indian PM, Alan orders Jade Goody into the Big Brother house insisting she’s “rude to the pakki”.  If she isn’t, the whole world will be told she has a PPE degree from

Cambridge

and isn’t in fact the puerile fuckwit that has made millions by acting thicker than a sumo’s bike saddle.

Meanwhile Rory pens a front page editorial talking about Jade’s disgraceful racist behaviour and also writes and publishes a full page ‘letter’ from Gordon Brown apologising from the bottom of his big Scottish heart to the whole of India and insisting Big Brother is take off the air.

Ester Rantzen’s Heart or Mould

Jan 23^rd 2007. Channel 4.  2130-2245

Twatsmith, Spoot, Brown and his fawning PPS Bunni want to prove that Labour (under Blair) isn’t working.  They commission, film and direct Ester Rantzen’s Heart is Sold.

Four desperate families need life-saving heart operations for their children.  Ester has one heart operation up for grabs (worth a staggering £1.5 million).  Tonight; The Unicycled Jester.  Which of the four mothers will learn to unicycle for the longest time in front of the live studio audience.  Tune in at 2130 as the tension really mounts for these four desperate and sobbing women as they try to overcome fear, balance and humiliation in the name of fucking viewing figures to win their child a heart op.

Following the programme there will be an extended interactive, scratch-card, red-button pressing bollocks-fest over on E4.  The losing parents and their gravely ill children talk about their disappointment to the panel of experts including Chris Martin, Al Murray, Jade Goody and that bloke from the Pimms adverts who says “ah, you, me, Pimms in the middle of the woods”

Meanwhile Gordon Brown blogs live about the programme and the issues surrounding NHS funding from a huge heart-shaped balloon hovering above the

Palace

of

Westminster

Think romance. Think drink. I guarantee the first thought in your head was Champagne. There’s no doubt that popping the cork (or releasing it gently, like an angel’s kiss, as you are supposed to) on a bottle of bubbly is evocative and sensual.

(By the way – always twist the bottle (not the cork) when opening Champagne and make sure it is very cold as this will stop it overflowing.  Actually, this reminds me of a great trick from an old wine lecturer of mine; he used to work in a a very expensive bar in the stock broking area of London – when the hig rollers came, in he’d offer a bet to big groups of men, “I’ll bet you 100 bucks/pounds that I can open this bottle of Champagne without it overflowing, no matter how much you guys shakes the bottle”.  The guys would take up the wager and shake the Champagne as hard as they could, then my old lecturer would delicately open the bottle and it would let out a gentle sigh and the cork would not go flying up to the ceiling.  Of course he’d actually put the Champagne bottle in the freezer for 30 minutes beforehand and, as it was cold (not frozen), it was never going to explode.  He’d win the money every time. 

I’ve also been taught recently how to open a bottle of wine with just a wine glass (ie: no corkscrew) – it’s quite sensational and you end up with an opened bottle of wine that’s drinkable … but sometimes you do break the wine glass!  I’ll explain here one day (or post a video) if there are enough requests!

Where was I?  Oh yes, romantic wines. 

There is a mutual agreement that, by opening a bottle of Champagne (please don’t call it Champers or worse shampoo!), you are celebrating and if it’s partnered with strawberries and a pleasing setting there’s nothing more romantic. But why the knee-jerk reaction for Champagne when you want to pile on the romance? There are plenty of other wines that are seductive – honest!

Merlot
Pure velvet in a glass – Merlot can be very sexy! This is a wine that has texture and flavour in equal measure – it’s very smooth and seductive with layers of rich, ripe plummy fruits. It can be complex if you and your partner like discussing the wine but the overriding memory of Merlot is it’s silky, fruity lusciousness.

Dessert wines
Don’t overlook sweet wines if love is in the air. Sauternes, Monbazillac and Tokaji are fabulously sweet, unctuous wines. Almost syrupy in texture they ooze aromas of candied peel and tropical fruits – great with most desserts or poured over peaches or strawberries for a sensual and decadent treat.

Classic Clarets
The romance in clarets is as much in the love that goes into the wine as the taste. You are drinking the history of Bordeaux with every sip – the love of a winemaker who treats every vintage as a child – passion in a bottle! With intense blackcurrant flavours many clarets are made to be enjoyed young or, if it’s made to last, at least 20 years old or more! A night with a fine claret will be a night you’ll remember – especially if it’s vintage is the year you got married.

Crisp refreshing Sauvignon Blanc
With grassy, gooseberry aromas Sauvignon evokes all that is exciting about a summer day. It’s clean, pure white fruit flavours and zesty tang make it an exciting wine – light, frivolous and fun and great with oysters!

Romance differs for all of us. For some it’s a walk in a thunderstorm and others it’s a night in front of a log fire. Well, wines are no different. Imagine eating seafood looking out over the Brittany coast in Northern France, it’s an ideal situation to open a crisp bottle of Muscadet Sur Lie and what could be more romantic than drinking it with your partner as the sun goes down. Or put yourself in the South of France – sipping Rosé in a pavement café in Provence; candle light, the warm air, condensation on the glass……

At the very least try and remember what wine you’re drinking when you’re in a romantic setting – that way you can recreate the romance when you return home by opening that ‘special bottle’

Of course you could well have your own romantic drink … leave a comment as it would be great for ploop to know!

A weekly ploop themed series – cracking quotes you wish you’d coined yourself! Apologies for a little too much Oscar Wilde but the guy was so prolifically gifted …

Quotes on behaviour and etiquette

“Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous.  You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing”

P.J. O’Rourke

“Duty is what one expects from others, it is not what one does oneself!

Oscar Wilde in ‘A Woman of No importance’

“You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without asking any clear question”

Albert Camus

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them”

P.G. Wodehouse  

“Manners are especially the need of the plain.  The pretty can get away with anything”

Evelyn Waugh

“Eccentricity, to be socially acceptable, had still to have at least four or five generations of inbreeding behind it”

Osbert Lancaster

“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them”

E.V. Lucas

“I always take blushing either for a sign of guilt, or of ill-breeding”

William Congreve

“Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste, and style all mixed together so that you don’t need any of those things!

P.J. O’Rourke

Good eh?

Drop by next week for the next themed list in 101 great quotes