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In the not too distant future … Ploop TV has listings from tonight’s TV

2100-2200. My Gun + my problem +my pet = your face. YouTube

In a desperate attempt to bring ‘shooting back the people’ the Conservative Government in association with the Daily Mail and YouTube launch their major gun-fest TV series ‘My Gun + my problem +my pet = your face’.

By the wonders of modern glue and cutting edge red-button technology four Tory-supporting celebrities have remote control guns and TV cameras attached to their pets’ heads.  Paul Daniels has a semi automatic on the head of Debbie his spaniel, Jim Davidson has a 2.2 fixed to the head of his boxer, Paul Dacre has his old English sheepdog tooled up and Chris de Burgh has his Burmese wandering the alleys with an ouzi glued to its cute little furry head.

It’s very simple and acutely interactive.  As the celebrities’ pets wander the alleys sniffing in corners and entering pubs to sniff crotches, you the voter press your red button when you want the guns to fire.  Will you want Jim’s boxer to shoot the face of a single mum?  Should Paul’s spaniel fill a tramp with lead?  Will you be furiously knobbing the red button to encourage Paul’s sheepdog to wipe the smile off the face of an illegal immigrant?  Or should Chris De Burgh’s cat wipe out a whole queue of scroungers waiting to sign on in Burnley?

Critical acclaim from the Daily Mail, “a fun way to get the whole family into shooting and rid the country of scroungers, immigrants and lay-abouts’ encourages the paper to run a promotional voucher offer for its exclusive ‘now-working’ replica single mother shooter.

I’m full of hope.

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