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BBC 9 - That’ll teach them.  Former members of Pop Idol and American Idol embrace this new Channel 9 initiative to get to the bottom of unemployment.  Under the guidance of Professor Nigel Smyth the ex tabloid fodder are taught that the unemployed are simply “idol gits who need a rocket up them”.  Watch as Gisellian (who got through to the semi-final with some excellent ACDC covers on American Idol) storms into a sink estate and literally beats the living daylights out of a homeless pensioner.  Briony (lovely Karen Carpenter covers) holds a knife at the throat of a single mother and forces her to ask for some part time work in a pizza parlour.  Audience participation via Twitter decides the outcome of Kevin - will his bag of heroin be thrown into the River Thames?

Channel 5 - 1930-2100. Look at these freaks.  A senstive and caring documentary from Channel 5 following the Umpiniaq tribe of Northern Africa where every man has an enormous pair of tits.  Follow their plight as the voice-over artist insists this is a sincere and scientific documentary while the vision mixer goes mad with flash photography of tits intermixed with shots of silicon and country and western singers. Music by Boy George and Dolly Parton.

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