plooptionary

Went out for lunch today.  Quite a top end restaurant - with very low quality guests.  They were low quality for this reason: they didn’t think of their audience before cracking jokes.  That worries me.  It’s arrogant joking.  It’s thoughtless joking.  In fact, if I were the waiter I’d have simply driven the steak knife through the hand of the joker on the table next to mine. 

I can only remember two of his gags.  You know the score, I was irritated by him yet the sun was out - so I threw red wine at the problem and ended up rather drunk.  That’s why I only remember two of his gags and I list them below.  I’ve resisted the urge to type them in capitals.

1. As the waiter was walking through the restaurant saying, “Who ordered the bisque?” - he announced to the room, “Well, if no one else is having it, I’ll find room”.  How the waiter managed a knowing smile instead of a blood curdling scream I’ll never know.  I reckon he hears that line 2-3 times every day and the difficulty of his job is that never, ever can he turn round and say, “don’t be such a twat”.

2. The coup de grace.  On arrival at the table with the bill, the brow-beaten waiter was greeted with the following line, “Oh here we go, the worst part of the meal”.  Do you get it - so funny.  Then, on opening the bill, Mr X announced a further joke for the room, “Looks like we might have to do the washing up to pay for this!”.

Tossers.  Poor gags told at waiters who’ve heard them thousands of times and ‘appreciated’ by slightly drunk table guests who are too embarrassed to stab the joke-teller.

Feel free to add you own obvious jokes people really shouldn’t tell.     

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