is that in may? maybe…

anyway you lot, you “bulls” you here’s the scoop. You’re going to be looking a bit scruffy today. now it’s not your fault you understand, it’s just the hot water’s not working… call the plumber. don’t wait til tomorrow as venus will be assaulting neptune with a steam iron at that time and there’ll be hell to pay unless you’re throwing salt over your shoulder and trying to remember whether the horseshoe should be up or down to give you good luck… (you’ll have to ring the number and deposit 15k if you want the answer to this by the way) so for gods sake get that call into the plumber today.

he’ll sort you… but you’ll still be left looking a bit ragged today. don’t despair. visit the gym on the way to work and have a shower there… destiny holds the soap tightly in one hand.

enjoy yourself. there’ll be some light rain and scattered showers with a cool northwesterly entering towards the evening.

wrap up warm.

I works out around $30,000 USD but I suggest you round it up to $40,000 (Saturn is riring and you’re going to get a windfall - so don’t worry about the amount). If you could send a cheque to my PA made out to ‘all astrologers are cynical, thieving bastards preying on the vulnerable Limited’ to Ploop Towers, PO Box 1, Winsford, UK - we can get the ball rolling.

You will be able to turn your business round in no time!

1. Destiny holds the shampoo, rather than the soap, tightly in one hand.

2. And there’ll be no brisk Northwesterly… and an increased chance of rain.

that’ll do it!