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ploopology - lancing the rancid boil of mystics

As well known mystics, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to offer some of our star spotting wisdom with readers here.  Not much sharing you understand - that would be commercial suicide - just the odd bit.  Those wanting the full, bare arsed truth about their desparate little lives will need email me at ploop at plooptionary dot com and I will let them know how they can deposit £15,000 in our offshore account - we’ll then spend all of 50 seconds creating a bespoke paragraph of astrology bollocks just for you. 

Today, we are going to delve into the potentially lucrative market of executive astrology - no CEO should be without it.

Astrology for business people:  Aries March sometime.

You will need to make some decisions at work today and some people will find them distasteful.  Mars has been humping Saturn, the money star, for weeks now and it’s having an effect on your ability to see clearly.  Don’t dispair and keep a cool head - others will thank you for it. 

Mercury is rising and you must learn to read the messages - so take a knife to the office and deal with that asshole in accounts.  He’s after your job, but he’s way behind the power curve.  Your evergreen solutions are bearing fruit and Jackie from HR would be delighted if you cut the spllen out of the accounts guy - he’s been touching her up in the lift for months now.  Don’t eat any fruit between 9 and 1435 and under no circumstance give Oliver gin when he asks you for it in a meeting over lunch.

All other readers needing important executive astrology should call call 0870 -9810324 23423423 and give me your American Express number and the keys to a brand new Bentley.

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This entry was written by ploop and posted on April 29, 2007 at 6:24 pm and filed under ploopology. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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7 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

  1. Great - it’s important to get this things right Jake. Thanks for covering that one off for me

    1. ploop on April 30th, 2007 at 4:27 pm

  2. two quick changes and it’s the perfect Leo.

    1. Destiny holds the shampoo, rather than the soap, tightly in one hand.

    2. And there’ll be no brisk Northwesterly… and an increased chance of rain.

    that’ll do it!

    2. Jake Mayle on April 30th, 2007 at 4:17 pm

  3. Beenzzz - look like Jacie is going to be a busy girl!
    jake - Are you looking at the same stars as me? Might use your Taurus in place of the Leo I can’t be arsed to write in a few days time - is it a transferable executive reading?

    3. ploop on April 30th, 2007 at 9:57 am

  4. Hi Captain,

    I works out around $30,000 USD but I suggest you round it up to $40,000 (Saturn is riring and you’re going to get a windfall - so don’t worry about the amount). If you could send a cheque to my PA made out to ‘all astrologers are cynical, thieving bastards preying on the vulnerable Limited’ to Ploop Towers, PO Box 1, Winsford, UK - we can get the ball rolling.

    You will be able to turn your business round in no time!

    4. ploop on April 30th, 2007 at 9:19 am

  5. What is £15,000 in USD? And who do I make the check out to?

    5. Captain Smack on April 30th, 2007 at 5:32 am

  6. If you give Oliver gin, will he too feel up the ass of Jackie from HR?

    6. Beenzzz on April 30th, 2007 at 12:29 am

  7. Taurus - the bull

    is that in may? maybe…

    anyway you lot, you “bulls” you here’s the scoop. You’re going to be looking a bit scruffy today. now it’s not your fault you understand, it’s just the hot water’s not working… call the plumber. don’t wait til tomorrow as venus will be assaulting neptune with a steam iron at that time and there’ll be hell to pay unless you’re throwing salt over your shoulder and trying to remember whether the horseshoe should be up or down to give you good luck… (you’ll have to ring the number and deposit 15k if you want the answer to this by the way) so for gods sake get that call into the plumber today.

    he’ll sort you… but you’ll still be left looking a bit ragged today. don’t despair. visit the gym on the way to work and have a shower there… destiny holds the soap tightly in one hand.

    enjoy yourself. there’ll be some light rain and scattered showers with a cool northwesterly entering towards the evening.

    wrap up warm.

    7. Jake Mayle on April 29th, 2007 at 7:44 pm

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