ploopology - stealing hard cash from the vulnerable

We hate astrologers. Every single one of the money grabbing charlatans oozes round the globe stealing hard earned money from the vulnerable. Frankly they’re scum. So ploop’s joining them - after all, there’s money to be made. Gradually we’ll be providing bespoke ‘executive stars’ - quick, at a glance, star readings for business men with only a few moments to snatch between power meetings.

First, we’re lucky enough to have a submission from Jake Mayle. He’s dealt with Taurus …

Taurus:

Anyway you lot, you “bulls” you here’s the scoop. You’re going to be looking a bit scruffy today. now it’s not your fault you understand, it’s just the hot water’s not working… call the plumber. Don’t wait til tomorrow as venus will be assaulting neptune with a steam iron at that time and there’ll be hell to pay unless you’re throwing salt over your shoulder and trying to remember whether the horseshoe should be up or down to give you good luck… (you’ll have to ring the number and deposit 15k if you want the answer to this by the way) so for gods sake get that call into the plumber today.

He’ll sort you… but you’ll still be left looking a bit ragged today. don’t despair. visit the gym on the way to work and have a shower there… destiny holds the shampoo tightly in one hand.

There’ll be no brisk Northwesterly… and an increased chance of rain.

enjoy

Fine work Mayle.

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This entry was written by ploop and posted on May 8, 2007 at 12:51 pm and filed under ploopology. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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12 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

Thanks Jake, it is all exactly as you predicted. When is destiny coming back for the raven? it is even more hassle than the small boy was. Predict me something nice for tomorrow, I am fed up. Have cheque for £15k ready but too depressed to sign it.

2. Dolores on May 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Scorpio’ stars for the same day read:

It’s going to rain. Use this as an excuse to be even more secretive than ever. Venus has done a runner towards Jupiter which means preciesly fuck all but is nevertheless fascinating. Destiny takes a small boy and turns him into a raven.

beats me what it means… but it’s deeply deeply profound of this i’ve no doubt. is the cheque in the post?

3. Jake Mayle on May 9th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Spooky.. it DID rain! Mind you, I’m a Scorpio so not sure if it was supposed to.

4. Dolores on May 9th, 2007 at 11:38 am
LOVE “Macho Stars” especially Aquarius though not sure it is completely right for us wimmin who might prefer a softer more empowering approach. You know, sharing blah blah, all sisters blah blah, you are a strong person etc etc. Will you do me some, Jake, while you’re in your current creative frenzy? Wimmin are notorious for handing over cash in exchange for spurious spiritual nonsense.

5. Dolores on May 8th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Beenzzz - it takes hours of practice!

6. ploop on May 8th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Wow Ploop, you are the first person I know who can poop your head. That is a serious talent!

7. Beenzzz on May 8th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
I’ve just pooped my head out of the window and the stars suggest that Sagittarius people should eat more fruit, be nice to any women they meet called and rid themselves of an gold jewellery …. it’s in the stars

8. ploop on May 8th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
As a Sagittarius (the most philosophical of the signs) this doesn’t really help me.

But thanks for including the American spelling of “color” - I hope I haven’t made you paranoid or caused you to put your guard up.

heh heh.

Incidentally, I was just over at Mutely’s blog, and noticed that he used the spelling “jewelry” in his current post. Does this mean he’s come over to the dark side?

9. Captain Smack on May 8th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Jake - again you’ve nailed it with economic language yet overflowing humour (humor for Americans). I can see that as a weekly series and you’ve just given me the first six … expect more comment to post promotion!

10. ploop on May 8th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
How about ‘Macho Stars’ - One power sentence for the time hungry executive:

Capricorn: “Slay ‘em goatboy”
Aquarius: “Venus drives a powertool through the accounts department”
Gemini: “quit stalling and make your mind up”
Leo: “Will you just shut up for one minute?”
Scorpio: “Today you will keep your own counsel”
Virgo: “Are you still in business?”

etc…

11. Jake Mayle on May 8th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
thanks Beenzzz. I’m feeling awfully honoured Ploop to have a mere comment lifted to the dizzy heights of an actual post!

12. Jake Mayle on May 8th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
I think Jake should receive a giant “hooray” for this line:
“destiny holds the shampoo tightly in one hand.”

13. Beenzzz on May 8th, 2007 at 1:50 pm

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By plooptionary » Blog Archive » ploopology - executive stars for the time starved on May 13, 2007 at 7:07 pm

[…] Jake Mayle who helped mould this eye-wateringly pleasing new stream of bollocks in a previous post seen here … Beenzzz also had a pop so it seems like I’m on healthy […]

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