plooptionary

Plooptionary – utter bollocks from the mouths of people (usually management consultants, people in the media and marketing) with nothing useful to say. 

Gun crime is plain wrong.  There is never a justification for taking someone else life by blowing chunks of their brain from their skull onto the nearest McDonald’s window.  I will however make one exception: If, prior to the bloodthirsty murder, the victim had uttered any of the words from the official plooptionary (seen here), the murder is justified.  Anyone using plooptionary words or phrases deserves a nasty death - in court I think every judge would agree with me.

Here’s today’s phrase with an invented scenario where it could be used.

* “speak to real people”: Seth Luskam is an associate director at a large ad agency in any cosmopolitan city.  Dressed from ankle to neck with lambswool (black, of course) save a pair of baby pink Jimmy Choo patent leather brogues and an ‘ironic’ Captain Caveman watch - he epitomises twat.  His team have come together with their largest client - a supplier of bespoke glasses.

Around the vast polished blue plastic boardroom table the clients and advertsing dicks are all drinking soya lattes made from sparkling water out of black mahogany urns.  All of the treatments for the next ad campaign are hung proudly on the wall.  Seth, feeling the clients don’t like what they see, decides to rectify the situation; “Guys, you’ve five treatments here for the latest above the line and they all have one key theme - the glasses as an icon.  We’ve lifted the glasses literally off the face and given them capabilities to change the face.  Literally.  Actually, literally.  You know what - we thought we’d cracked it.  The glasses as an icon.  Last night we rolled it out to a target group - and they loved it. 
But you know what? 
We’re not going to use it. 
Why? 
Because it doesn’t connect.  It doesn’t do enough.  It doesn’t talk to *real people the way your glasses ought to.  So we’re going to ask you to leave via our specially commision ideas slide parked outside the front window and we’ll be over to your offices in the next 24 with a true web 2.0, interactive, button pressing glass fest.  You will freak.”

With that he leaves the room.  He leaves the room terrified.  He’s just trashed his best ideas and has nothing left in the tank.

TechTags Plugin [ business phrases | business productivity | plooptionary ]

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