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ploopology - time saving star signs for the braindead

posted by ploop also on humor blogs
We hate astrologers. Every single one of the money grabbing charlatans oozes round the globe stealing hard earned money from the vulnerable. Frankly they’re scum. So ploop’s joining them - after all, there’s money to be made.

So, Ploopology continues - the weekly slot of quick, at-a-glance star signs that can be taken on board by the time-starved executive on the run. They can be sent via SMS to board directors worldwide - allowing them to make ill-informed decisions based on their vacuous birth signs.

Power sentence astrology for the time hungry executive (week three - end of May):

Capricorn: “Play that funky music”
Aquarius: “Show the you’ve got balls, wet boy”
Gemini: “Keep rubbing until you can see your face”
Leo: “Venus fires power arrows into the HR department”
Scorpio: “Turn off the power supply”
Virgo: “Maybe someone in power hates accordions?”
Cancer: “Get a mechanic on it″
Taurus: “Grow up - no one thinks you wearing nappies in the office is funny”
Libra: “With views like yours you could be a judge on Americal Idol”
Aries: “Panic on the streets of London, Panic on the streets of Birmingham, I wonder to myself …”
Sagittarius: “Have you got caps lock on?”
Pisces: “Keep off the vodka”

I hope these help …

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This entry was written by ploop and posted on May 31, 2007 at 6:55 pm and filed under ploopology. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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14 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

  1. I want the mechanic to bring me booze

    1. Ml on June 5th, 2007 at 7:39 pm

  2. Looking at the stars Chris - you might find this will be a beter week for taurus … hang in there

    2. ploop on June 4th, 2007 at 10:16 am

  3. Oh well, I had such high hopes.

    3. Chris on June 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pm

  4. chris - no, it’s still not funny. Just more alarming

    4. ploop on June 3rd, 2007 at 9:29 am

  5. As a Taurus, I must ask: Is the nappy funny if it has pictures of lobsters on it?

    5. Chris on June 2nd, 2007 at 8:28 pm

  6. nice blog

    6. buzzerhut on June 2nd, 2007 at 4:36 pm

  7. hmm I’m pisces and that horoscope is a little too revealing. How the hell did it know? I need to rotate my liquors of choice more often, I’m becoming too predictable.

    7. Chris C on June 2nd, 2007 at 4:27 am

  8. Oh, Oh! A believer!

    Level 1: there are only 12 personalities? I hope I’m a variant!

    Level 2: Astrology helps your partner fleece you in the divorce courts. Now, there’s a selling point!

    Level 3: Garbage. Quite right!

    8. Robert on June 1st, 2007 at 9:31 pm

  9. Personally, I find astrology-bashing rather funny…because away from silly Astrology “You will meet a tall dark stranger…etc.”, Astrology actually does rather well:

    Level 1: it’s capacity for description of the 12 various personality types is far more accurate than accepted predictive sciences such as Economics & Meteorology, which have billions pumped into them by the global academia

    Level 2: a detailed chart can actually provide an astonishing character analysis, which if not used for the self, is devastating as a wooing tool (give your lover what he/she/it wants)…or even in the board-room!

    I actually provided a chart for a woman going through a divorce who gained millions by being able to pinpoint her husband’s weaknesses, something she hadn’t been able to fully see in 10 years of marriage.

    Level 3: Spirituality? Possibly Astrology can be of help…but as with most great insights, one has to clean up the garbage one has strewn around one’s life…which is very unlikely.

    ADG

    9. andrew goulding on June 1st, 2007 at 9:25 pm

  10. I think Pisces has been sharing his vodka with Taurus and needs to share it Aquarius. As long as its good vodka of course. :)

    10. beenzzz on June 1st, 2007 at 8:17 pm

  11. I heard all that too. Angry mob. Bricks through windows. Doctor beaten up. ..

    However, if you follow the link to the BBC Magazine section you’ll see they looked into it and much of this is Urban Myth. What they did was daub “Paedo” on her door while she was out. Not quite as amazing a story, but still true.

    Maybe an idea for a new graph?

    y: strength of anger, revulsion and outrage expressed by journalists and editors in daily newspapers
    x: likelihood of exaggeration or lack of truth in the story

    The curve would probably even start with a high Y and negative X value, decreasing to Y=0 by the time the story was even half true

    11. Robert on June 1st, 2007 at 9:06 am

  12. Lord - you are very kind.
    robert - the paedatrician story is hilarious - didn’t they also throw bricks through the windows. It is a real concern bout the integrity the British public. Don’t be too hard on Lord Likely - his servant probably wrote the comment … I’m sure the Lord will be dealing with him after his mistake

    12. ploop on June 1st, 2007 at 8:48 am

  13. Heh!

    Lord Likely, please leave those lovely astronomers alone, they have not done anything wrong, they just like looking at real stars, not seeing stars!

    I think Ploop has an issue with astrologers!!

    Reminds me of the dis-heartening story about the angry mob and a poor doctor whose sign outside the house said “Paediatrician”
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4719364.stm

    (no doctors were harmed in the real version of this story!)

    13. Robert on June 1st, 2007 at 8:10 am

  14. This is a marvelous idea, Mr. Ploop.

    I shall spend the time saved kicking the first astronomer I encounter. Unless, of course, he sees it coming.

    14. Lord Likely on June 1st, 2007 at 1:17 am

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