Archive for April, 2008

Just a theory ok, just a theory. At university I used to know a girl who was convinced she could tell, by the shape of someone’s lips, how often they showered. Of course we never got to find out if her theory was correct as I wasn’t in the business of asking people how much they showered. Whatever lip shape, the shower question just didn’t come up. However, why let science get in the way of graphs? As my pals at humor blogs say, the plooptionary is just like a “math lesson gone wrong”. I think the theory below will stand even the most scientific scrutiny. Please feel free to exchange ‘make-up’ for ‘aftershave’ depending on your sensibilities!

Hoorah, it’s sweeping generalisations time. Sure there are exceptions to every rule, but they just spoil the fun. I have an issue with jewellery on men. A wedding ring is fine – but stop there. I can only speak for the UK here which might render the following graph obsolete for those people here and here but there is little doubt in my mind as to the link between jewellery and education. There, I said it, just don’t get me started on people who raise their voice when they think they have a ‘really important point’

Being born British is often no bad thing. However, it often means you live in Britain and I believe it has the worst weather in the world … yesterday I wore, at different parts of the day a wooly hat, a rain mack, and shorts. But who gives a flying turd about that? Actually probably not even my own mother, so I won’t bother you about it … or the people at humor blogs.

The actual really, eye bleedingly wretched thing about living with so little sun is that when the sun does come out, so do all of the people who should be sent to a desserted island and be made to live on jam. I’ve never understood how fat men think it’s acceptable to sit in public with no t-shirt on? Women tend to look better in summer gear … men are just hair, flab and wind tied together with gaudy nylon …

Rigorous research on wine tasting trips in France have led to the following graph. There is not a language ploop can’t converse in following a couple of liveners in a bar! Welcome by the way to visitors from alltop (a great resource for lots of humour, and other, pages).

We love science. We love ‘we are scientists’. We eat science books. We eat science. But, mixed with certain other concerning impulses like corporate greed, science becomes a sneaky little bully. Science turns into the kid who sends unsolicited corrective shoes to his school teacher.