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ploop TV

TV not too far from now

Channel 8. Who Was That?

Stephen Hendry hosts this hilarious knock-about quiz show where three teams of schizophrenics answer hugely probing and hurtful questions about their personal life. The studio audience are plied with gin and encouraged to goad the contestants by throwing dismembered dolls at them.  Music by Black Lace.

Thanks to this blog for highlighting some not-so subtle ways of really pissing people off in the office.  I hope the author won’t mind but I culled a few that I didn’t think were great and added some of my own at the bottom.  

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.
3. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “IN.”
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
5. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”
6. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”
8. Sing Along At The Opera.
9. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
10. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!” 

Ploop would like to add:

1. Hum along to an unknown song while you are typing
2. Scrunch up your nose and say “ahhh” whenever anybody mentions something that’s bothering them
3. Answer the phone saying “for heaven’s sake call me Lesley”
4. Have a sticker over your terminal saying “you don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps”

TechTags Plugin [ annoy people | business ]

plooptionary – ploop’s weasel words and bullshit phrases fresh from the reeking bowels of consultants. (9 of 100)

Today’s phrase elegantly covers up for both a lack of knowledge AND a total disregard for other people’s strengths.

“*get a mechanic on it” – The context here is a card makers called Make Them Smile in the week running up to Christmas.  Marketing director Clemmie Gill is under huge pressure to get Make Them Smile’s new Easter range in front of all the retail buyers.  She’s no idea how to do that.  Frankly she’s got no idea why she’s in the card business.  In fact she feels the tears begin to well up inside her as she approaches the office door – Make Them Smile is a shit company and they expect too much from Clemmie.  She is entirely out of her depth. 

The board are all together to discuss the Easter campaign and Clemmie spots a chance to side-step even more of her own responsibility, “If we want to go the whole nine yards with this one we can’t hold back.  We need to be carpet-bombing the buyers with our range, following up with calls and driving our ROI down arses.  Frankly I think we need to get systems to put a mechanic on this one to make sure we don’t fall at the first hurdle”

TechTags Plugin [ business | business productiviy | plooptionary | ploop | easter ]

OK – imagine you wanted to make a point that business phrases really, really hacked you off.

Turning up in a board meeting, estate agents office etc with one of these would be priceless … who’s going to offer to make one up?

For the time starved, here’s a graphical synopsis of the post below.  Upload to your brain and press the red button and you’ve saved yourself the 29 seconds it would take to read the post.  Plenty of time for a web 2.0 twitter mashup …

TechTags Plugin [ tv | celebrity | twitter ]