Posts Tagged ‘Shopping’

I’m a dog person.  We’ve got a cat at home and, to be honest, we don’t get on.  I know what’s going on in my dog’s mind when she’s looking at me – happy thoughts.  I am convinced, behind the whiskers, my cat has spent her whole life looking down her nose at me.  She’s planning stuff and most of it revolves around getting me either humiliated or killed.

So there you have it – behind dolphins, cats are the animals I trust least.  Don’t get me started on their owners.

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• Research proves that cats know how to manipulate us (americablog.com)
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• Friday Cat Blogging (americablog.com)
• 10 Ways Your Cat Will Punish You for Traveling (gadling.com)

A friend of mine met someone for a coffee in Starbucks today and they ordered tea.  It’s been bothering me ever since she told me about it.  I’m not convinced I could relax with someone drinking tea in Starbucks.  It feels sinister.  Sneaky.  Sly.

Believe me – I don’t think you should drink the coffee in Starbucks either, but that’s not the point.  Drinking tea in Starbucks having specifically met someone there is devious – you’ve been warned.

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• How Much Do You Spend on Coffee Each Day? (lockergnome.com)
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• Coffee should not be served in ‘regular’ because it does not make size clear (telegraph.co.uk)

It’s a regular panic at ploop HQ the few days before my parners book club meeting.  The book hasn’t been read and there simply isn’t time to both read and enjoy.

Reading books doesn’t get you famous, doesn’t help you win the X-Factor and doesn’t help you update your facebook page

Frankly books should be shorter, at a glance experiences.  Authors exploring character development and reseach are simply wasting their time.  Authors need to evolve … stop wasting words.  Within 4 years books will be administered by a syringe anyway – you’ll simply walk into a book shop and buy a syringe of Jeffrey Archer and inject.  Job done.

But to ease the passage from actually having to read a book before book club and the syringe, the plooptionary has decided to cast itself in the role of your personal cultural attache.  We read, and you get a synopsis allowing you to sound urbane and witty at book club without having to waste vauluable time reading – leaving you extra time to watch reality TV.

First up – the Audacity of Hype by Armando Iannucci:

Come back again for I’m not Scared by Niccolo Ammaniti – or sign up for our emails and get them straight to your inbox – you won’t even have to to go to the trouble of typing www.plooptionary.com!

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• Is James Ellroy the best judge of his own novels? (guardian.co.uk)
• Jeffrey Archer lands ‘record £18m deal for modern Forsyte Saga’ (telegraph.co.uk)
• Guess who’s back? The indestructible Mr Jeffrey Archer (guardian.co.uk)

I’ve spent most of the weekend being confused by Noel Edmonds. He upsets me and intrigues me in equal measure – but my overriding feeling is of wishing I had him caged by my front door so I could simply electrocute him absentmindedly whenever i walked past.

But more important matters – men with jewellery:

Yep – invite arrived and it requests people wear wigs and glasses.  Why?  What’s wrong with people? Are they so worried their party will be piss poor that they need to get people to dress up to ‘have fun’. I wish I wasn’t invited.  I don’t want to go.

If people are concerned that their friends are so terribly dull that they need to wear costumes to have something to talk about why not consider other options?  Bring your dog to fight – only arrive if you have a contagious disease – be a tory for the night.  Something really worthy of conversation please … just not ‘wear a wig and glasses’